Saturday, June 20, 2009

Chapters 6, 7, and 8

of Experiencing Grief by H. Norman Wright have not been easy to get through. I read, put it down, go back to it, read some more, put it down, go back to it and re-read what I've read. It's not the big concepts that are difficult or that make me weepy but the little bits and pieces.

Chapter 6 What Grief Does talks about disruption and changes. Some resonates and some doesn't. I'm not and haven't been having trouble sleeping. I went through a phase where I slept all the time. I'm positive it was grief and work stress related. I'm wanting to sleep in this summer but my internal clock seems set to 6:30 a.m. This chapter briefly touches on changes in your life when you lose a loved one. I'm more going back to how it was before Mom came to live with me and it's familiar and comfortable. But, now that I've lived, felt, and experienced caregiving and being responsible for a family I'm once again exploring the idea of adoption. I'm less than thrilled with the idea of taking hours of classes but am very much leaning toward the option.

Chapter 7 is titled Holes in Your Life. As I said above losing Mom didn't come with losing my usual life. What resonates in this chapter is the revisiting the idea of what I call "sneak attack grief". Crying while reading the book I expect. Sadness as Mom's birthday passed was not entirely unexpected. But those little sneaky moments when my mind wanders and a memory surfaces .... I think it's the unexpectedness that is harder than the feelings the memory provokes.

Chapter 8, The Question of Grief focuses on the time after the initial shock and numbness wears off. I was so here for much of Feb-June. I think I mentioned in a previous post having lost my sense of time passing and how hard forward planning was at work. Hmmm, that might explain another loved one who seems to have trouble with this. I'll have to think on that.

My experience of Mom dying was not one of "why, why?" I had some questioning of "Ok, God, what's taking you so long?" but it didn't and doesn't eat at me. Mom's time here was her time. She influenced people with her love, her words, and later with her sweet spirit to look to Jesus. She provided work for her caregivers and someone to love for so many people at church. She delighted in those who greeted her, spoke to her, and cared for her and it was clear to them that she did so in gratefulness.

1986 in my Sister and Brother-in-Law's back yard.

No comments:

Post a Comment

Note: Only a member of this blog may post a comment.