Chapter 4

Experiencing Grief: The Nature of Grief At first this chapter didn't resonate with me. I read it with "fine, fine, fine" in the back of my head. Then I read it again. Then I put it down. Apparently my brain was really working hard somewhere in there. I had quite a reaction close to bedtime.

Grief is slow, let it be slow. "Fine, fine, fine, I got that."
Don't compare your loss with others. "Fine, fine, fine, I don't think I do that." I worry a bit about others I know and love going through this process but I do know my grief is my grief and their griefs are their griefs-even though we may be mourning the same loss. I think my sister worries, too. We're not much talkers on touchy subjects but I know we find comfort in being together. We need to work on that, I think.

The worst loss is your own. Well, from in here, yes. But I don't think losing a parent, as an adult, can compare to losing a spouse or a child or losing your parent as a child. Yes, it's my grief and my worst loss but I can imagine it being worse. Ok, don't compare. I think maybe this means own your own grief. I'm not sure I've got the "aha" with this one.

And so on. So, somehow this got my brain onto the other losses that surround this loss. The one that hit hard late in the evening was the loss of trust. I am hurt and sad that a couple people I thought I could count on weren't, couldn't, wouldn't be supportive. They were supportive in ways that I didn't expect and that I am grateful for. Somehow my emotions can't find a balance in what was given and what I felt I needed. I feel that I won't be able to count on them in the future. I don't know if that's fair. I do know that this too is a loss. It's unexpected and a new grief attached to mourning Mom's death. I don't know where to park it. Where's the category for collateral loss?