Sunday, October 4, 2009

Retreats, Revelations, and Candy Corn

This weekend was choir retreat. It was a wonderful retreat. We sang good music. We had a marvelous speaker. And we had fun moments together as a choir family. On top of all that the weather was cool and I wore blue jeans both days. It was such a treat. We were at 3000 feet near Oakhurst, CA (gateway to Yosemite). The trees are beginning to change color and the lower shrubs are in their autumn garb.

I had a couple revelations this weekend about how I'm feeling. I've had in the back of my mind that I feel untethered. I decided this weekend that is exactly one of things I've been feeling lately. It's not that I feel disconnected but more intentionally drifting. I'm close enough to people and routines not to have lost connection with my life but I'm happy to be floating a distance away. I knew once I wrote about this it would be difficult to explain. Part of this is feeling a lack of obligation. For the most part if I don't want to do something I don't. At the moment this mostly affects attending covenant group and Bible study type functions. I think I might be avoiding closeness and not wanting to reveal where my heart is tender.

The other thing I noticed this weekend is that I feel more peaceful. At one point I remember thinking, "I haven't felt this way since my 20s and early 30s. " I think it may go back to the lifting of obligation. I'll have to think on this more because I like this feeling. It's not only peaceful but almost grounded or centered.

I'm wondering if cherishing this peaceful, grounded feeling also has to do with the false anxiety of migraine meds and the physical changes of peri-menopause. My migraines are changing or the particular meds I used aren't working as well for me anymore. The medications don't quite relieve the migraines and leave me feeling anxious, panicky, and jittery. I seem to be in a near migraine state all of the time in which bright or flashing lights, and sharp, sudden, and loud noises can push me into a migraine instantly. It doesn't take any duration of a stimulus to trigger a migraine. I suppose I ought to hurry up and see the doc again.

I'm having mini-flashes in my progress through peri-menopause. They are at the same time funny and annoying. It's hard to know what to wear and I find I need layers that can come on and off easily. I feel more hot than not and was perfectly happy wearing a tank top and jeans this morning when most of the women were wearing 2 layers-some with sweater or jacket over that. It is funny to see the other women in choir get a chuckle at me in a tank fanning myself in a 65 degree room. ;*D

I tried using a knitting rake rather than a circle loom to make a hat this weekend. I found using the rake more difficult but liked the result a lot. I was able to use decreases to shape the hat and look forward to playing with this technique.

Here's the result:

And here are the materials:

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