Gathering posts from other places:

Jan. 12: Mom passed away this morning. We're living in that curious mix of grief at her loss and joy that she's with her Lord.

Jan. 13: My mom passed away early yesterday morning. We have lots of family and friends together and are living in that curious place of grief at her loss and joy that she is at her final rest and rejoicing with her Lord.

Jan. 14:

Have sis, bro and sil through Sunday, probably younger bro and kids too...

dad and wife came Monday, so sweet and so comforting. Lots of family Saturday. I still have wobbly moments but it's easier. I'm getting lots of calls from church family and many friends, too. Certainly couldn't cry in a cave even if I thought it would help!

Jan. 15: In response to How are you doing? In reference to services: we held off so out of town family didn't have to take time off work. It's not unusual here to have it within days or wait to the end of the week.

I'm doing fine. I have my wobbly moments. We had a service planning meeting this morning and I can't make myself look up scripture references. Makes me cry.

Saturday is going to be the difficult day I think. By Tuesday I'll be back at work and having good distractions. Many friends are making themselves available for visits and activities in the weeks after.

Jan. 18 Posted to friends, Had a post but then my brother needed to figure out which breaker went to the bathroom so he could repair the light switch. Silly me, I didn't even think to save or post what I had. For now, here's how it went this w/end:

It was a lovely service and we had a luncheon with friends and family at the church afterward. Then, family spent the rest of the day at the house and for dinner we went out. I've eaten out twice in the last 2 days. It's something I love but too hard to do when mom was with me.

Today people left one by one and now I get my recharge time.

I've been weepy since Friday with the anticipation of the public grief and mourning time but now I can let that rest a bit and begin to move forward.

I just spoke to my sister and we've decided we feel "raggety". I was "wobbly" before but now I don't feel quite "frayed" but close. lol! Isn't vocabulary marvelous. Friends have been calling, too. I may have to silence all my ringers to get some quiet time. Very heart-warming, though.

Lori

For anyone who likes things like this:

Hymns from the service:
"For All the Saints" (public domain)
"Children of the Heavenly Father" (text, Simon Browne)
"I Love to Tell the Story" (public domain)
"Beautiful Savior" (Fairest Lord Jesus) (public domain)

Requested from the choir:
"On Faith Alone" (Sola Fide) (info not avail)
"Let It Be Said of Us" (Steve Fry)

from the bell choir:
"Blessed" by McKleev

from the organist:
"Variations on What A Friend We Have in Jesus", I'm thinkin' Charlie Orr but not sure. It's not printed in the service bulletin

Jan. 21 In response to another How are you? I get little episodes of "attack grief" where I dissolve for a few minutes. So far not so much at work.

I'm back at work and it's good. I went to bell choir on Monday and vocal choir this evening. Tonight was a bit harder. In some ways I'm closer the bell choir people but the vocal choir loves you harder. It's a group personality thing.

I'm not freaked out by being in my home by myself. I'm remembering all those years before mom and much of being at home is oh, yes, I've missed this. What I don't have is a rhythm of doing chores. I've done the clothing laundry these past few years but have rarely done dishes and most other housework because mom's health aides also did light housekeeping. I'm going to have to relearn homemaking skills and the rhythm of keeping house.

Had a nice chat with a neighbor this evening after choir. She and her husband were the first people we called the morning mom died. They spent and hour and a half with us that morning. Before family left we assembled thank you baskets and tonight was when I connected with one of them to deliver that basket.

I had a bit of fun taking chocolates (Lindt truffles, assorted) to the choir this evening as my thank you for being taken care of so well. One couple are fostering a 7 year old cousin and at the end of choir he took my basket of chocolates in their little decorative bags and made sure that everyone there took some chocolates home. I'm pretty sure he had his thumb on the one that looked the best to him! I had made extra bags and gave "mama" a couple more.

I had a funny moment at work this afternoon. I had an IEP that was pretty short and since I needed to use the printer in the room where we held the meeting I sat down and started my print jobs after the meeting. I glanced at the clock at some point and startled myself with, "oh no! I'm going to be late!" It took a few beats to realize that I was not going to be late and that I could, for the first time this school year, finish what I was working on and then go home. I didn't stay long but realized that I now have more time to focus on work and that, at some point, my actual focus will return.

Feb. 1 I went to even more beautiful Santa Barbara for the weekend. It took me 45 minutes of driving to remember that I didn't have to look in the rear view mirror to check on Mom. I hadn't been, just suddenly occurred to me. It took 2 hours for me to get the mental picture that I was driving MY car not Mom's mobility van and that it was white, not red. Strange the things your brain can do. I thought that 2nd one was pretty funny as there is a huge difference between a mobility tricked out Dodge Caravan and my Saturn ION.

A better chuckle on the way over was watching the traffic and the CHP helicopter. It was partly foggy along the coast between Ventura and SB. There wasn't enough to slow traffic but there was enough that the helicopter couldn't hug the freeway. So, my chuckling was from watching and participating in the traffic. When it was sunny we could all see the CHP helicopter and kept close to the speed limit. As soon as it went up over the hills to avoid the fog we all speeded up to 75 mph. We repeated this 4 times in a matter of 25 minutes. I can't remember thinking a driving situation was so funny in a long time.

I'm doing fine. I'm getting a bit tired of the weepy attacks, they don't happen often but I'm starting to find them annoying. I tend to approach life from a thinking perspective rather than a feeling perspective. I've had enough feeling for a while and would like to set it aside for later! Too bad it doesn't work that way!!!!!

Family is good. Work is manageable.